Meet the Family: Spade

Originally when we got Sophie, we were dead set on only having one dog. That was, until we moved to Tampa from Orlando. Sophie had a bit of a tough time adjusting to her new enviroment, and every time we would leave our 3rd floor apartment, she would whine and howl so loudy that you could hear her in the parking lot. Not only was it heartbreaking, but I'm sure our neighbors didn't appreciate it much either. After a few months, we decided to get her a friend. Enter Spade.

Shy and a little scared.

Our new little fluff, starting to warm up to us.

Well, that didn't take long!

We got Spade from a breeder who, from what I could tell, just wanted to get rid of him. He was the runt of the litter and all of his brothers and sisters had already been adopted out a few weeks prior. I was more than happy to take him off her hands. When we picked him up, I saw that, unfortunately, he wasn't taken care of very well. He had dirt packed in his little ears and the breeder warned us that he threw up a lot. I don't know what the hell she was feeding him, but once we had him in our care, he never threw up again. Very odd.

Their first meeting.

Their first bath time together, which they both detest.

When we got Spade home, he and Sophie clicked immediately. He trailed Sophie every where she went, and they're still inseperable to this day. The day Spade got neutered was one single time I've had to seperate them, and it absolutely broke my heart. As soon as we got in the car he started whining and looking out the windows to find Sophie. And of course, when I had to leave him for the procedure, he looked absolutely terrified and confused. I'm not going to lie, I cried. I felt so bad because I knew he didn't understand that I'd be back. I'm a little bitch, I know, but...

How could you...

...not be reduced to putty...

...at the sight of this face?!

See, the thing about Spade is that he is so needy and fragile in the most heartbreakingly adorable way. He's extremely gentle and calm, but he's wary of everyone. When you first meet him, he won't let you touch him until he's ready, but once he's ready, he's your best friend. He's also very aware of his tiny stature, so he's not a big fan of the bigger dogs at the dog park. As a matter of fact, he much prefers the human company at the dog park, and will happily sit on the benches with all the people. But don't think he's too innocent! Although he's grown up to be a sweet little loverboy now, he wasn't always a calm little prince!

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

The guily party.

Word to the wise: don't forget to take the trash out when you have a curious new puppy, because you might have already had a rough day at work. And when you come for lunch to find this in your kitchen, you might have a panic attack. But it will all be okay, because even though your new puppy just almost gave you a heart attack, it will all be worth it when he grows out of his destructive phase and you get to come home and find him like this:

"Welcome home, mommy. I'm sorry that I was a pain in the ass as a puppy. I love you. Forgive me?"

Have you ever had to get through growing pains with a new pet?

Up next: All aboard the Puppy Express!

Worst. Gift. Ever.

Have you ever gotten a really, intensely horrible gift? Well, feel better, because chances are, the bad gifts you've recieved probably have nothing on the ones I'm about to tell you about.

Before I get into the specific stories, you're probably wondering why I'm talking about bad gifts. Well, my birthday is right around the corner, and it's the first year that Mike is picking out my gift, unassisted. Up until now, for birthdays and Christmas we just tell each other what we want, and that's what we get. However, I figured I'd give this whole "surprise" thing a shot.

If nothing else, it can't be any worse than these:

A friend of mine recently told me about the first birthday gift that her husband ever got her. Keep in mind, said friend is not religious at all. Granted, they hadn't been dating for a really long time, so she wasn't expecting anything fancy. However, they had been dating long enough to know one and other pretty well. so what does he get her? Wait for it...

A freakin' costco-sized jar of cheese puffs and a Bible. Did you hear me? Cheese puffs and a Bible! No, I'm not kidding. I almost spit my soup all over her when she told me, but instead I choked on a piece of bread. It's seriously one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. Still wondering how he got her to stick around after that!

Next up, Mike and I went to a family member's house to celebrate Christmas. Just so you know, this specific person has a strong affinity for gifting random garage sale finds. While it's not exactly my style, hey, to each his own. That was, until this particular gift...

Last year, as we were sitting around the table opening our gifts, one person recieved a bottle of coconut rum in an actual coconut shell. Hey, that's cool, it's alcohol. But as he removed the wax seal, put the coconut shell to his lips and tilted it.... nothing came out. It was empty! Someone else had put that thing on their lips, drunk the rum, resealed it with candle wax, then sold it at their garage sale! And now it was also on the gift recipient's lips! Ew ew ewww! Can you imagine swapping saliva with a complete stranger?! Needless to say, I was mortified.

Have you ever gotten (or been witness to) an unbelievably horrible gift? Do tell!

The Shape of a Mother...

absolutely terrifies me.

If you don't already know, The Shape of a Mother is a website for new moms to tell their stories and, more often than not, share pictures to help one and other to embrace their new post-baby bodies. Now, don't get me wrong, the concept is amazing. As women, our bodies are capable of things that a man could never even fathom, and we should all be proud of that.

But I'm going to be honest there, those pictures scare the living shit out of me. Especially the before and afters. My body is no where near perfect, so if some woman with a perfect little dancer's body can be virtually unrecognizable post-baby, wtf is going to happen to me?! *shivers*

I know everyone says it's worth it, but I can't imagine the psychological damage it plays on a womans mind. Sure, you have this amazing, living, breathing baby that you created, but I can't imagine what it's like to look in the mirror and suddenly see someone else. After reading so many stories on there about women who hate themselves after having a baby, who don't want to have sex, who feel miserable and ugly, I don't know if my psyche can handle how my body might look after having a child.

I started researching how a woman's body changes after childbirth because I noticed myself getting random bouts of baby fever and I like to be informed. At first I just figured I'd go the c-section route (I would rather not blow out my v-jay, heard one too many horror stories about tearing and randomly pissing yourself and "new landscapes"). Then I figured I'd go the c-section and tummy tuck route. But no, after finding this website, I realized that a tummy tuck isnt a cure all- what about your boobs? What about stretch marks? If they're infact hereditary, then my pregnant belly would never again see the light of day. Ever. No amount of nipping and tucking will get rid of stretch marks. Good lord, it's a lot to think about.

In a way, these websites are great. They offer support to new moms who maybe wouldn't get that same support and understanding elsewhere. But for those of us who are pre-baby, it's just f*cking terrifying. The first time I stumbled upon TSoaM, I sat at my computer screen, looking through before and after photos and crying. It shook me to my core.

After that, I immediately started researching surrogacy. Seriously.

So pre- and post-baby ladies, have you seen TSoaM? How does it make you feel?

*If you want to see photos, please check out The Shape of a Mother. I didn't want to post the particular pictures that "scared" me, out of respect for the brave mommies that shared their photos.

Meet the Family: Meow

Let me start off by saying that Meow is, and always will be, the most awesome cat ever.

You think your cat is awesome? Not compared to Meow. This is fact.

Let me also mention, we only had Meow for a week, but he made the impact of a lifetime on me. I love all animals, but when it comes to dogs vs. cats, let's just say I am NOT a cat person. Plus, I'm allergic. Not fun. But thanks to this cat, someday, I will get another cat, I will name it Meow von Redux, and I will take claritin every day of my life because I need another cat like this.

First things first, I knew this little kitty was special because when Mike and I got home from going out to dinner, he walked out of a bush, right up to us, followed us up 3 flights of stares, and walked right into our apartment like he owned the place. What kind of cat does that? Exactly. Meow= Ballsy McAwesome.

So, we took the little fur ball into our home and gave him a cat bath. Yes, a cat bath. Poor Meow was desperately flee-ridden, and although I knew that scratches were to come, this kitty needed a bath, so we gave him one. I then proceeded to pick every single dead flee out of his fur with a pair of tweezers. There were at least 100, and he was just a wee little bitty kitty.

Wet and pissed off.

After getting through the initial trauma of getting a bath, he got all dried off and proceeded to snuggle with Sophie. Yes, snuggle with a dog he had just met. Keep in mind, Sophie is not known for her "getting to know you" etiquette. She was all up in his face, licking and sniffing him, and not once did he raise a paw to her.

Sophie investigating; Meow, totally calm.

Seriously, Meow was, and is, the most laidback cat you'll ever meet. He would actually snuggle in your lap and let you pet and hold him. Not your average cat by any stretch. Oddly enough, he also went completely limp when you would pick him up. I later found out that the laidback attitude and going limp upon being held were main characteristics of his breed. Needless to say, whenever we do end up with Meow von Redux, he will indeed be of the same breed.

See? Limp as a noodle.

Unfortunately after about a week, my allergies just couldn't take it anymore and we decided to take him to the Humane Society in Orlando. When we dropped him off, I cried like a baby, and the next day I returned to the Humane Society to take him back. I was told that they had already sent him to PetSmart to try to get him adopted quickly, and when I called PetSmart they told me that he had already been adopted.

I was heartbroken. I'm still heartbroken. Even though I know we did the right thing by rescuing him in the first place, and I know that he's with a family that loves him (and doesn't have allergies), I can't help but to feel a huge sense of regret. After almost 3 years, I still miss him. I wish I could have gotten him back. I would happily take Claritin for the rest of my life if I could just have my Meow back.

His little pink paws were so adorable.

Sleeping kitty.

I miss you, Meow. <3

Have you ever had to give a pet away? Have you ever taken in a stray only to fall in love with him/her?

Up next: A fraidy-dog named Spade. 

GLEEking out.

Okay, so, I just realized that Glee premieres tonight. Cue excitement!

However, Mike and I did away with cable and switched to using Netflix and Hulu about 5 months ago simply because we just weren't using our cable. Ever. We were essentially paying $150/month for background noise. I don't know about you, but I could use that $150 a month in lots of other ways. So, unfortunately, I won't be able to catch Glee until it posts to Hulu tomorrow. Sad face.

So while I wait in Glee to Hulu limbo, I would like to take this moment to make a very important announcement:

I am in love with one Emma Pillsbury.

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Oh, Emma, with your perfectly coiffed red hair. Your expertly coordinated cardigans. Your adorable little accessories.Why are you so goddamned cute? How does this happen? How does one person embody this much adorable awesomeness?

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I want to be just like you when I grow up. I want to be able to speak in your funny little accent. I want to make the weirdest faces and still be completely endearing (okay, I already do that...). I want to wear the most ridiculously preppy/grandma outfits and still look cute. And hell, on the OCD front, I'm already halfway to Emma Status.

Teach me your ways, Emma Pillsbury. Teach me your ways.

Admirably,

Your Biggest (and not at all insane) Fan, Tiffany

$150 or less: Serena van der Woodsen

Yes, today's $150 or less is, in fact, a fictional character. However, she's got amazing, uh-may-zing style. For all 2 of you who don't know, Serena van der Woodsen is played by Blake Lively on the CWs hit show Gossip Girl. Why not just choose Blake Lively, you ask? Well, hate to say it, but I'm just not a fan. Something about her irritates me, plus, her personal style is a bit boring in comparison.So,  Blake Lively Serena van der Woodsen it is!

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See, kind of amazing, right? She's got this sorta tomboy, slightly femme fatale, girl next door vibe that just works. Jealous? Don't be. You, too, can be Serena van der Woodsen for a day, and as usual, all for under $150! Oh, and by the way, although she's not wearing a necklace, I added one. I bare neckline like that just begs for a necklace. Creative license? :)

Old Navy Womens Twist-Neck Racerback Tanks, $5.99
Studded Stripe Blazer, $40
Stroud School Unisex Years 6-8 Blazer Badge, Green, 4.85 GBP (approx. $7.50)
Zipper Pocket Skinny Jeans, $15
Charlotte Russe - Slouchy Belted Cuff Boot, $36
Forever21.com - New Arrivals - 1078885745, $28
Vintage Bicycle Necklace, $5.80

Grand total: $138.29
Get shopping, ladies!

Which celeb's style (real or fictional) do you fawn over?

Seducing You With My Chicken Tetrazzini

If you're completely clueless after reading the title (besides the fact that it's about chicken tetrazzini), take a minute and watch this masterful piece of art, brought to you by the one and only Maury.



Amazing, yes? I know.

I must admit, I was inspired. I needed to find out exactly how one goes about making the magically seducive chicken tetrazzini that she speaks of, and so I did. I tweaked this recipe by the one and only Giada De Laurentiis.

So, gon' 'head and seduce yo' man wit sum chicken tetrazzini bafo' sum otha floozy beats you to it!

But seriously, it's delicious. Try it.

click to enlarge!

First, preheat your oven to 450 degrees and heat up 2 tablespoons olive oil in a pan. While oil is heating up, season both sides of your chicken breasts with salt, pepper and 1 teaspoon thyme. Once the oil starts to foam, place chicken breasts in pan and cook through until lightly golden. Set aside to cool.

In the same pan, add the remaining 2 tablespoons olive oil, 1 teaspoon dried thyme, mushrooms, onions, and garlic. Saute until onions are translucent, but not brown. Once cooked, set aside. Now, pour white wine into your pan (sorry! forgot to take a picture of this) and simmer until it's about half way evaporated.

Next, melt all 4 tablespoons of butter and add your flour, whisking constantly. Continue to whisk flour/butter mixture for 2 minutes- this cooks out that flour taste. Next, slowly add the half and half. Make sure to keep whisking in order to avoid clumps. Once fully incorporated, add chicken broth. Bring to a boil and simmer, uncovered, for about 10 minutes to thicken up the sauce. Don't forget to whisk occasionally.

Now, while your sauce is simmering, bring a pot of salted water to a boil, add linguine and shred your (now cooled) chicken.

When your sauce has thickened, add in the chicken, mushroom/onion mixture, and frozen peas. I thaw my peas on the counter for about 15 minutes beforehand, so they're not rock solid, but they're not completely thawed. The heat from the sauce will cook them to the perfect consistency. Once your pasta is done cooking, drain and toss with sauce and 1/4 cup grated parmesan.

Transfer pasta to a baking dish coated with cooking spray. Combine bread crumbs and remaining parmesan and sprinkle mixture in a layer on top of the pasta. Coat breadcrumbs in a thin layer of cooking spray (this will make it brown in the oven) and bake uncovered at 450 degrees for 15 minutes.

Enjoy!

Meet the Family: Sophie

A few months after Mike and I moved in together, we got an 8 week old maltipoo named Sophie. She quickly became the love of our lives. Before I found a job in Orlando, my days consisted of Sophie, Sophie, and more Sophie. I would brush her every morning, put her in a cute little shirt, pop her in my bag, and take her everywhere with me. With a puppy like this, how could you not?

Sophie's first day at home, she was a little scared, can you tell?

Oddly enough, it took her a few days to warm up to the carpet, she was terrified of it at first!

Sophie playing hide and seek, she's obviously not the brains of the family...

Of course, once she got bigger, tagging along with me was no longer possible. Not to mention, Sophie really loves new people, so eventually she just got so excited seeing all those new faces that she'd try to hightail it out of my bag. Not good.

Anywho, once I started working, I would feel so bad about having to leave her at home, I was constantly buying her new beds and toys and clothes (at one point she had more clothes than Mike, sad I know!) Oh... and for her first birthday, I made her a Sophie Cupcake. Obsessed much?



The Sophie Cupcake, she has a thing about sticking her tongue out.

Sophie's birthday bed, torn to shreds in approximately a week.

Notice how her haircut matches per pink poodle. I was inspired.

Now, I must admit, we're part of the group of obnoxious people who think that their dog is part human (but no, seriously, she is) and that it is also the cutest dog on the planet (but really, she is). We got Sophie from an animal rescue center, and I have to say, getting her was possibly the best decision we've ever made as a couple. Sophie has brought so much joy to our lives, she is endlessly entertaining, ridiculously needy (she seriously thinks she's a baby), and in difficult times, has been the glue holding our little family together. Yes, she is a dog, and yes, she is amazing.

I told you she thinks she's a baby! She sleeps like this often.

All dressed up, nowhere to go!

Yes, I carved a white Sophie pumpkin. I really do have a problem.

Do you, too, have an unhealthy obsession with your pet or do you think I'm psychotic? It's okay, I can handle it.

Up next: A cat named Meow.

Brow Wow

This is part two of my make-up tutorial Weddingbee repost series. Original post can be found here.

Alright, considering I desperately need to do my eyebrows, I think it’s time for another tutorial! My current eyebrow monstrosity is now your gain. Ya welcome. Before I get started, let’s chronicle my eyebrow trials and tribulations, via Paint:

Exhibit A: As a child, I had monster brows, complete with teeth (creative license?). I now like to refer to them as “Bert and Ernie eyebrows” (really, more Bert, less Ernie), but unlike Bert and Ernie, they were neither fun nor friendly. They were big, they were scary, and yes, they were hairy. Not cute.

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Exhibit B: From the age of 12 through 15 I suffered from a rare ailment that can only be called “InvisiBrow”. The characteristics of invisibrow are as follows: pencil thin eyebrows resulting in limited facial expression with an acute similarity to one Whoopi Goldberg. As much as I love Ghost, this was not a good look for me.

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Exhibit C: I call this look “The Sharpie Brow” because that is precisely what it looks like.They’re sharp, they’re black, they’re drawn to hell and back. They’re a no-no. Just say no.

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As you can see, the brows and I have gone through a lot together. It’s been a love/hate relationship, but we’re finally on good terms. I worked hard to get them to where they are, and I’ll admit, I frequently compliment them.

You know how they say, when you look in the mirror and feel less than hot, find something you like about yourself instead? Well, my eyebrows are that thing. Whenever I’m getting ready to go somewhere and I finish putting on my makeup, I take one last glance in the mirror and say “God, I’ve got great eyebrows” (narcissistic much?).

When I’m in a bad mood, I find Mr. Rainbow complimenting my eyebrows. It effectively turns my frown upside down, and Mr. R knows it. So here’s my tutorial for smile inducing brows.

Let’s start at the beginning:

Tools: tweezers, cosmetic scissors (not pictured), clear mascara, brow pencil and sharpener OR angled brush and brown eyeshadow (use whatever color matches your hair)

The starting point- All kinds of nasty. Yes, I really let them go this time, tell me about it.

Hold a make-up brush (or other safe straight edge) next to your nostril, and point it straight up. This is where your brow should begin.

Keeping the brush next to your nostril, angle it so it comes across the outer edge of your iris (the colored part of your eye). This is where your arch should be.

Again, keeping the brush at your nostril, angle it towards the outer corner of your eyelid. This is where your brow should end.

If this is your first time shaping your brows, I suggest drawing your shape (based on the above tips) with a white eyeliner. Tweeze whatever falls outside of those lines. I know some people say never to tweeze above the brow, but I totally disagree with that (see why in exhibit A). Make sure they’re not too thin (see exhibit B).

After you’re done tweezing, comb your brows up and trim any stray hairs. Then, comb them down and do the same. This part can be scary, I refused to do it for years, but if you just trim the strays, you’ll be glad you did.

If you choose to fill your brows with a pencil, make sure the tip is freshly sharpened and do small, hair-like strokes. Be careful not to make them too dark (see exhibit C).

If you’re new to filling in your brows, I suggest using a powder instead of a pencil. With an angled brush (I use a MAC 263 brush), dip it into a powder eyeshadow and fill in the sparse spots. When you’re done, look in the mirror and exclaim “God I’ve got great eyebrows!”

Voila! Follow this tutorial and you’ll have fabulous brows in no time.